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Dreamin'

I have so little time to write this, but I feel like I have to. I need to leave early to get money before work. I work at a university now and our last GA is being promoted to temp on Monday so her last day as a GA is today. So we're having a party.

So, I had some dreams again last night. And I can think of several very good reasons why.

I dreamt that I was both roleplaying on a computer (with AIM and the different colored fonts and the black background), but also actually in the world. And I was Ginny, but instead of being a cop, I was in advertising. (???)

I think, because I'm 10 weeks pregnant, my dreams are starting to get really vivid and easy to remember.

Also, bc I'm pregnant by my ginger husband and we were talking about the night of conception yesterday, I'm pretty sure that as long as this delivery goes well and nothing goes wrong, this won't be our last baby.

Also also, Kevin and I have been re/watching Grey's Anatomy (he secretly loves it, though he hates admitting it) and we just finished season 7 with the shooter.

So....a lot of memories lately. Incorporating them with a lot of AMAZING things happening in my life right now. I'm not really sad that these memories are visiting me.

"A summer body is made in the winter."

I read this on facebook morning, and I just laughed and laughed.

Because, by the summer months this year, I'm going to be a whale!

I found out, three weeks ago, that I'm pregnant! It just so happened to be around Valentine's Day too, so I had a really great idea for how to tell Kevin.

IMG_20160212_172218194.jpg

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I gave him the heart-shaped box and told him there was leftover candy in it from work, and he totally believed me. He was so shocked and happy!

Excitingly, Emily is pregnant at the same time. She's 14 weeks where I'm only 6 and a half weeks. That means our babies are only going to be a couple months apart! I'm kind of convinced that we're both going to have girls.

And we both live in the duplex now, it's just going to be great. Since I work at the school here, Kevin gets free tuition so he's going to go back and get his bachelor's during the night.

In terms of actually being pregnant, it hasn't been too bad so far. I found out at week 4, and before then I hadn't really been experiencing any symptoms. And I drank WAY too much coffee the first 4 weeks, not knowing.

Everything's been pretty normal, though. Nothing to make me too alarmed. Except, of course, when you read those books (like What to Expect When You're Expecting) and they outline everything that can go wrong, even the slightest little twinge can seem like a symptom of something terrible.

But I think I'm pretty much over that super anxious phase. My first appointment is two weeks from today, and I'm pretty confident that things are going well. It'll be a relief to go and have that confirmed, of course.

Week 6 is when the shit really started to hit the fan. I started week 6 with a little bit of a cold that I got from Kevin. So on the first day, I actually threw up while brushing my teeth. I decided that the mechanical toothbrush is a no-go for the next few months.

Tuesday was pretty rough, but I got over the cold in the afternoon.

Yesterday, it was pretty much nausea and no appetite all day. I dry-heaved in the evening, when Scott and Emily were over watching How I Met Your Mother with us. I got the award for Most Convincing Vomit Noise, though!

They say that the worse the symptoms, the better your chances of not miscarrying! So I'm just going to stay positive and hope that I don't accidentally heave at my desk while I'm withdrawing a student from his classes.

I'm excited to see what next week brings, and of course the week after that, the ultrasound! Eeeee!

Closing Time

Officially moving to senneeson.
So, I've been re-reading Harry Potter on account of the Harry Potter-themed wedding I'm having in seven weeks.

I'm on OotP.

And I'm having some really intense feelings.

So I'm going to go drown those feelings by whacking tennis balls at my neighbor Tony.

Jul. 23rd, 2015

cant sleep again. so, of course, im here.

im on my phone so there will probably be typos and a complete lack of punctuation.

more wedding planning today. talked to sarah, who is officiaging for us. offered my photographer money bc she kind of seems not to want to do it but i really like her work so im trying to entice her. the bakery finally called and gave us a quote for the decorations. $50 to geek up our cake, heck yes.

bought some slightly fancier paint brushes today. in that i purchased them individually for specific purposes instead of in a $5 20 pc misc set.

i wont get to use them until at least saturday, bc we are going to a--get this--demolition derby tomorrow. with scott the professor, emily the nanny, and tony the gay office administrator.

my life is....interesting.

im listening to harry potter at work while things are hectic and i need to stay focused.

its giving me so many feels.

im on PoA right now.

and at 28 yrs old, i still understand the feeling of wanting to be a part of it. to write, draw, whatever in that world.

its...intoxicating.

a part of me that kevin has never even really experiencdd the full extent of. it was before he came along.

yeah, we play feng shui every now and then with our friends, but Detective Solomom's got nothing on the back stories ive got saved on dropbox. Even if she has a twin sister whose memory shes going to try to modify to protect her from Ming I, but probably fail and wind up giving her schizophrenia.

ok. ive still got it. i can plan a mothafuckin plot twist to rival m night shyamalamadingdong in my SLEEP.
huh. it's one of those nights where i'm staying up way too late and getting introspective.

why does that lead me back here?

i guess i kind of miss having somewhere to reflect on the day and stuff. i have twitter, and i tolerate facebook, but i kind of have to watch what i say on the latter and the former is only 130 characters, so...

uhm.

today was my dad's cousin's Pam's funeral. that's kind of a convoluted line of separation, but she was one of those people that really cared about family. my parents are kind of anti-social, so i never really learned anyone's name in the non-immediate family. but Pam always remembered mine, and in recent years, i talked to her a bit more. (my cat is telling me to go to bed by playing with the plethora of flowers adorning my coffee table, but oh well) Pam helped me plan my mom's 50th birthday party last year, a week before i went in for heart surgery.

it's really crazy to think that that was a year ago.

and now it's been 12 months, and Pam is gone. i don't even feel like it's been that long since she was diagnosed with lung cancer, which spread to her lymph nodes and then her brain.

god, i can't even believe that it happened so fast...i don't think it was a full year that she was diagnosed, but even if it was, that's too short.

my co-worker debbie's just been diagnosed with throat cancer now. she starts her medical leave next week, and i'm jumping in to help take over her job. i'm covering for another person right now who's on medical leave for shoulder surgery. i'm doing at least 3 people's jobs right now, and some days i just completely check out because my brain short circuits.

all the while, i'm planning my wedding.

kevin and i are finally having a proper ceremony. of course it's harry potter and tabletop roleplaying game themed. i'm pretty excited. that's why there are so many flowers on the coffee table right now. i don't want to pay a florist, so i raided michaels' fake flower aisle. had to mow a bitch down that was stealing all the half priced ones. worth it.

our honeymoon is going to be the wizarding world of harry potter. i caaaan't believe i'm finally going. it's insane. we have a full seven days...just us, no obligations, no problems, just vacation. so great.

kevin has a full time job that he loves now. that's pretty amazing.

we went through some pretty rough fights this year.

almost split up more than a few times. at least...from my perspective, i guess. he's russian orthodox now, so even if he wanted to, his religion doesn't support choosing divorce.

so i guess it was on me to make that call.

and it's not like i'm afraid to do it, i've broken up with every guy i've ever been with.

but we stuck to it, and put literally all the cards out on the table. worked through it. now we're better than ever. and i'm acknowledging my emotions finally....that stopped happening for a while. depression is kind of a suckfest.

so our wedding is coming up. i have everything big planned, so i'm going to kick back and relax for the last few weeks.

and that includes painting again. i've been too stressed to want to do anything but play skyrim or watch tv lately.



Bonus: Kevin's altar and icons; Hedwig card cage for our wedding and a shitton of tapered candles.

gonna be mothafuckin hogwarts great hall up in my reception. freaking excited.

it's literally all i've been able to think and talk about. i'm a goddamn narcissist. but that's okay when you're the bride.

things are pretty good with the friend group. emily's still trying to get pregnant after two miscarriages and a thousand sucky periods.

oh god, haha...kevin just woke up, asked me what i was still doing up, it's 1am, "god that painting is awesome" and stumbled into the bathroom.....

....i think i should follow him to bed....

ahh, life

It's funny how life kind of all circles around itself.

I'm back to roleplaying. But it's with my very best friends who I've known since early college, and my husband, and a couple of newer friends.

Tabletop.

And holy crap, I can't believe how fun it is.

I'm running this week's session. And I'm writing it from scratch. We bought our own dice this past weekend, and we spent an hour in the game store to find just the right ones.

I feel like I've always been meant to do this. And I think I can't ever get away from it, no matter what form its in.

Sometimes, hiatuses are just longer than others.

And I still can't draw, but I'm getting better.

I'm playing a cop.

With a twin sister.

Who's missing.

=D
want
to

wriiiiiite


Listening to a livestream of some of my favorite musicians playing D&D.

Looked for some online RPG sites, nothing really stands out.

Found myself on a subreddit about scars
was looking for a heart surgery scar to compare to mine
found a suicide attempt scar

and it made me remember stories i wrote.

ugh.


also, i'm sick
so i don't want to go to sleep
because sleeping is uncomfortable with a cold

so i want to stay up late
i had coffee in the microwave...



...

Apr. 3rd, 2014

I just remembered that alternate reality where Amy and Hannah were lesbians. That probably would've turned out a lot less dramatic.

Damn you, heteronormative expectations.

Tags:

BACK AGAIN, my lovely livejournal. More riveting commentary as I read the almost decade-long roleplay.

Hot damn, Andy sure did throw a lot of parties. Almost none of them end well for Lydia.

Also, why is Hogwarts the new Seattle Grace? These kids are PRE-TEENS.

I forgot how close Evan and Lydia were. It's so sweet...and the idea of Evan, who is both younger AND shorter than Lydia, standing up for her is very adorable.

Goddamn, Andy and Logan are alcoholics! AT TWELVE.

SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN??!

This is some lovely foreshadowing of future Lydia who gets schwasted and has to be carried home to mommy and daddy by her sultry African bf.

Realizing that I hate people like Andrea in real life. One does not need to be wasted to be a fun person.

Logan, it's okay if you have an accidental boner watching Andrea dance. You're almost a teenager, after all.

"And, besides, you're around people you can trust. We won't let you get into any serious trouble." Famous last words, Sawyer. Famous. Last. Words.

Interim from real life: Kevin is saying some Russian orthodox prayers, and I'm supposed to be being quiet while he does his thing, but I just laughed really loudly at "drunken Sorting Hat being used for pulling names for Seven Mins in Heaven" woopsie....


God, Lydia is a drama queen.

I KEEP READING AHEAD. AGHHH.

Logan and Andy's first kiss reminds me of my first kiss with Kevin...we weren't in a closet, but we were buzzed and all our friends were outside smoking. And it was....remarkably similar and eeeeeeee!

Awwww, Evan the therapist. Which is ironic. Because his mother is BATSHIT CRAZY.


snakesonabroom (9:28:45 PM): (I did talk to Emily today though, and the way she was talking, living together is still on. I subtly mentioned that I'm okay living with the both of them if he moves to STL.)
save th3 savior (9:29:40 PM): (Awww, lookit you being a good friend ^^)
snakesonabroom (9:29:59 PM): (*beams* Hey, nothing is absolutely certain. But what IS certain is that I love them both dearly.)
snakesonabroom (9:30:21 PM): (Plus? Scott's a foodie. So I would never be for want of good food.)
snakesonabroom (9:30:41 PM): (Until they move out, but I'm still looking for that perfect man who cooks.)

It's so weird to look back and read that now, because I met Kevin while I was living with Scott and Emily. And he took their place after they moved to Utah so Scott could get his master's degree. While Kevin doesn't necessarily do the cooking (I'm great at it now!), he IS the perfect man...and I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen when I wrote all that.

Oh my god, it's too FREAKING cute that Ginny finds out she's pregnant again with Owen there. *SQUEAK*

So, I went on a huge reading binge between last night and now, and now I'm at the point where Amy was killed, and Evan tried to off himself. And I just facepalmed at Lydia's reaction. Oh Lydia....oh no, whyyyy....

AND ANDREA. THIS IS WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE. OH MY GOD.

Awww, Phoebe. The crazy pyro I named my cat after.

"No, Lydia, we can't jailbreak Evan..." Have I ever mentioned how much I love the connection Ginny has with the kids? It's great. Aunt Ginny, the cool adult.

LYDIA REALLY. YOU MAKE ME CRINGE WITH YOUR FAT MOUTH.

i think I just realized that one of the inspirations for Amy's commitment-phobe manipulation persona was Jim. He would upset me, and then get all self-deprecating so I excused him for his assholeish behavior. Until I stopped that nonsense. Huh.

Why did I name Phoebe's brother Sheldon? Not because of Big Bang Theory...PLEASE tell me it wasn't because of the very brief moment in my life that I actually enjoyed that show, which I'll never admit in a million years because it's awful.

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